āLooking back at the key turning points in your journey of faith, odds are there will be certain individuals who have deeply influenced you at these points; individuals who cared and gave you their time, who taught you from the Scriptures and prayed for you.ā
And wouldnāt it be great to be the kind of individual who others are able to look at in this way? But, as Sophie de Witt points out in One-to-One, āthe biggest question with one-to-one work is usually āHowā?ā
And thatās why sheās written this book. Itās a kind of manual for why and how to one-to-one with someone. Itās really practical: but itās never less than biblical. Itās clear, itās challenging, and itās encouraging.
And (like every book should be!) itās not long, and itās not hard to read. It has some great ideas in it for where to go in the Bible as you start and what questions to ask.
My only quibble is that Iām not sure I agree with Sophie that every āsenior partnerā of a one-to-one relationship should be aiming to write their own studies: if youāre short on time and experience, get some decent notes, use someone elseās hard work and wisdom, and get going without worrying that the studies arenāt yours.
But thatās a small speck of complaint; the rest of the book is gold-dust. Iām so glad I read it a couple of years ago, while I was doing one-to-ones; I wish Iād read it years ago, when I began doing one-to-ones.
So itās a must-read, really, if you would like to get started but arenāt sure how; if youāve been doing one-to-ones for a while; or if youāre a pastor wanting to encourage and train others in one-to-one ministry.
And itās a must-read because, as we hope weāve persuaded you this week, a widespread one-to-one ministry is a bit of a must-have for a growing church. As Sophie points out: āThe evangelical church around the world today might be growing, but ā¦ what is often lacking is a commitment to following the Lord Jesus that thoroughly affects every area of a personās life.
āCould this be because individuals are not being trained to study and apply the Scriptures for themselves and in turn to help others grow in their discipleship?ā
If you want to get going or keep going with one-to-oneing, buying Sophieās book is a great place to start, which you can do here. And itās just been reduced from Ā£7 to Ā£5: but stocks are limitedā¦
For a short introduction to what one-to-oneing is, just click here.
Carl Laferton pastored sunday@seven, an evening congregation for teenagers and young adults in west Hull.
For a short introduction to what one-to-oneing is, just click here.
There are some great resources to use with for reading the Bible one-to-one with teenagers.
Start is a 29 study booklet, aimed at non-Christians and new Christians. Costing only Ā£3 (so that's about 10.3p a study!), one of its best features is that it doesnāt simply do gospel basics, or Christian living basics: it does both.
One of the best reasons for one-to-oneing with a teenager is that it models to, and equips, them to read the Bible for themselves. One way of doing this is to use some printed regular Bible study notes; you do a study (or two) together when you meet up; then you each do three or four during the rest of the week on your own; and then share what encouraged and challenged you the next week before moving on to the next study in the book.
That way, when you finish one-to-oneing with them, they (and maybe you!) will hopefully carry on using those notes to read the Bible on their own. So why not grab some Engage notes, written for older teens: just Ā£4 for 90 studies, bargain!
A couple of things worth remembering: always get parental permission! And make sure thereās a games console involved for most teenage lads (I have no idea what the female equivalent is!)
For a short introduction to what one-to-oneing is, just click here.
Matt is 20 and is a student in Leeds. He became a Christian on a summer camp when he was 13. He loves Christ, Chelsea, not doing much and his girlfriend (not all in that order!)
How old were you when you were one-to-oneed?
I was 14, and I was one-to-oned for about a year.
How did it work?
I would meet up with my youth worker every Monday evening for around an hour and a half. We would begin every week with a game of Pro Evo on the Playstation, which I found helpful, and not just because I improved at Playstation! It allowed us to build a relationship beyond the time looking at the Bible, meaning I was more inclined to trust him and allow myself to be open.
We would then look at the Bible passage together for about 45 minutes. And we'd end every week by discussing an Encouragement and a Challenge from the week just past and from the passage, and pray based on that.
Which Bible books did you look at?
We looked at Hebrews and James in the year I one-to-oneed. Both were incredibly useful in the face of trouble and uncertainty that I was facing as a young Christian, and allowed me to view my troubles in a new way and face them with the grace of God.
What was the best thing about doing one-to-ones as a teenager?
One-to-oneing gave me a far better idea of the message of the books we looked at than would ever have been possible in a larger talk or through individual study. And the Encouragement and Challenge at the end of the sessions is something that I still use five years later.
How did it help you in your faith and ability to read the Bible for yourself?
I learned that the Bible fits together as a whole book and that other parts are invaluable in informing you what is going in a specific passage. This has meant my own personal study also improved as I realised that more often than not answers can be found in the Bible: I began to look to other parts of Godās word for answers as opposed to Wikipedia!
My faith was strengthened massively by one-to-oneing. It meant I started reading the Bible on a regular basis and learnt more and more about Godās love and grace. This continually blew me away and I felt myself strengthened every week.
And the friendship I formed with my one-to-one partner continues and still builds me up in faith every time we talk and meet up.
How has being one-to-oned affected your own ministry?
One-to-oneing left me wanting to have a similar thing with someone else. So recently I joined my churchās youth team to forge these kind of relationships with young people, and to try and bring them to God in the way I was when I was given the opportunity to look at his word in depth.
For a short introduction to what one-to-oneing is, just click here.
If a friend, family member or colleague is interested in our faith, our instinct is usually to do one of four things:
ā¢ give them a book to read
ā¢ invite them to a guest service or event at church
ā¢ take them (or send them) to a course like Christianity Explored
ā¢ get overexcited and bombard them with so much information that they change the subject (maybe thatās just me).
But hereās an idea: you could ask them if theyād like to meet up with you fairly regularly (preferably weekly), have a bit of a chat, and look at Godās word with you to see for themselves what itās all about.
That way, theyāre investigating Christianity with someone they already know and trust. Theyāre doing it at a time convenient to them. They can ask any questions they like, and say what they think. They can go at their own pace.
If youāre a pastor, you could encourage each member of your church to think and pray about asking someone they know to do this in a one-to-one setting.
If youāre a church member, you could get on with doing it without waiting for your pastor to encourage you!
And here are a couple of great resources which can help. Christianity Explained works through Markās Gospel in six studies, and itās highly recommended by experienced church leaders like Mark Dever, Senior Pastor of Capitol Hill Baptist Church in Washington DC. The book includes lots of helpful advice on how to lead Bible studies with a non-Christian friend.
For someone whoās a new Christian, or isnāt quite sure whether they are or not, Just for Starters is an excellent seven-study booklet which works through the essentials of Christianity. Itās only Ā£1.50, and this week itās got another 20% off!
So now, next time someone asks you about Christianity, why not pause, pray, and then ask them if theyād like to one-to-one with you?
For a short introduction to what one-to-oneing is, just click here.
Fiona Johnson is a student at Nottingham University. She became a committed Christian nearly three years ago; she one-to-oned with an older Christian last year, and has just started to read the Bible with Jamie, a friend of hers who isn't a Christian. Other than knowing Christ, she likes family, friends and cooking.
How did one-to-oneing with an older Christian help you in your faith?
It encouraged me to ask questions and look for answers. I realized that the whole Bible all revolved around Jesus. Bible stories I'd known my whole life suddenly had relevance and the connections led me to understand who Jesus was/is, and what that means for my life.
How did it help you to read and understand the Bible?
The Bible went from being something that was for church and didn't really need to be read, to something that has become part of my everyday life. It made the Bible much more accessible and relevant to me.
How did you get into doing a one-to-one with someone who is interested in Christianity?
We met in Freshers' week at university and just started chatting about Christianity, within a few weeks my friend had a bible and it just went from there.
How did you find doing it with no prior experience?
It seemed pretty natural. I used some Bible study notes, and prayed and went through the studies beforehand. Knowing that God was behind me meant that I didn't have to worry about what she would ask or if I was confused by something. I could just ask someone else who knows a bit more than me, and come back to her.
What's good about one-to-oneing like this?
It's beyond exciting when you can see directly how God is working in somebody else's life.
How has doing it encouraged and helped your own faith?
Some of the questions that came up throughout the studies were challenging, as they made me think about the basics of Christianity and remember that theyāre so much more important than the more complicated issues which periodically cloud my view of who Jesus is. Being able to stand up for God reminds me how much I believe who He is and what is really important to me.
For a short introduction to what one-to-oneing is, just click here.
Ben Shaw is an evangelist working for the Co-Mission Initiative in London.
For a short introduction to what one-to-oneing is, just click here.
Dave Berkeley is 29 and lives in south-west London. Heās part of The Good Book Companyās sales team. Other than Christ, he loves rugby, reading, and using sporting analogies in general conversation.
When did you first do one-to-ones?
I read the Bible during my first year at university with one of the apprentices at church. Those meetings kept me going week after week in a challenging first year at uni: if it hadnāt been for those times I wouldnāt have stayed.
I can still remember those times of reading through Colossians, and the encouragement it gave me to keep going day by day with the Lord.
How did ābeing one-to-onedā like that affect your own ministry?
That experience made me keen to be there for others in the same way. So, I have recently been meeting up with a teenager from church.
Itās proved a bit of a challenge! Weāve struggled a bit to find a time when we can meet up: but itās been a joy to see him understand new truths, and Iām praying that he would apply them fully in his heart. I know heās appreciated the time (and doughnuts!).
What would you say to someone whoās been invited to one-to-one with an older Christian, as you were at uni?
Iād highly recommend it! I found reading the Bible with someone really has been one of the highlights of my life. Whatever stage you are at in your walk with Jesus, Iād encourage you to look for someone to read the Bible with regularly, an older Christian who has plenty of knowledge and wisdom.
And what about getting stuck in with being that āolder Christianā in a one-to-one?
Again, do it! You donāt have to be a brilliant handler of the Bible (Iām not!), and youāll learn as much as the person youāre leading through a Bible passage: thatās the real blessing of meeting up like this.
Iād say, donāt worry if you donāt know all the answers. The really important thing is to be there, to listen and encourage a Christian whoās younger in their faith than you. Thereāll be a younger Christian around who needs to be encouraged and nurtured, and thereās probably no reason why it canāt be you who does that.
For a short introduction to what one-to-oneing is, just click here.
Nathan Buttery is one of the associate vicars at St Andrew the Great Church, Cambridge.
For a short introduction to what one-to-oneing is, just click here.
Scott is a 38-year-old truck driver who lives in Hull. He became a Christian a couple of years ago. He loves his family, his tattoos and his Lord.
Who did you one-to-one with, and when? What did you do?
I met up with the curate at our church, Steve, every Sunday evening for an hour. We started about six months after I became a Christian.
We did it for about a year, and we still meet up from time to time but a bit less regularly now. We looked at lots of different parts of the Bibleāthe ones I really remember are 1 Corinthians and Leviticus.
How did one-to-oneing help you?
It was just really useful to read the Bible with someone who knew more than me. I was able to make sure Iād got it, and get an explanation of difficult passages.
Meeting up like that really gave me more confidence in my own Bible reading. I found I was able to understand it better. Now Iāve got it on my mobile phone, and I can read it during breaks on long truck trips.
How did you feel when you were first asked if youād like to one-to-one?
I was really excited. I wanted to do it, because I wanted to get into the Bible and I thought it would help me do that.
Has one-to-oneing affected your own role in church?
YesāIāve just started doing Sunday School, teaching the older ladsā group. One-to-oneing has given me the confidence to do that.
And what would you say to someone whoās got the chance to one-to-one with a more experienced Christian, and isnāt sure whether they want to or whether theyāve got time?
I would say to them: Do it! Do it, because it will open their eyes. If youāre new to Christianity, like I was, it can be really hard to get what the Bibleās saying, and if you have someone to lead you through, and explain the bits youāre lost on, you can understand it so much more, and thatās exciting. So do it!
