Awakening to grace

Author Michael Jensen, explains how he came to discover amazing grace for himself…

My own awakening to free forgiveness—to God’s grace—came when was about 16 years old.

I am, as I said, the eldest son. And I was the eldest son of a ministry family. I went to church and Sunday school, and never really rebelled. I knew all the answers, and it was kind of nice being a bit of a specialist in at least one subject on the school timetable (I went to a church school).

I was not much of a rebel, at least not publicly or openly. Mainly, I wanted to keep the appearance of being onside with the whole Christian thing, and I wasn’t courageous enough to be defiant.

In retrospect, I was habitual in two sins: lying and pride. I had the smug satisfaction of thinking I was born into the Christian faith and knew that the behaviour of my classmates was reprehensible. The view from the moral high-ground was spectacular. Thank God (I imagine my younger self praying) that I am not like those other kids…

But of course, I did enjoy my moments of doing what my parents did not want me to do. Only, I concealed them well with dishonesty.

Was I a Christian at the time? I think so. But I didn’t understand: I thought grace was for people who were in the throes of becoming a Christian dramatically—the gang member, the drug addict, the prostitute, the slave trader. That was amazing grace; but that was not for me. I was a little Pharisee.

It took a couple of Christian friends in their early twenties to show me that the grace of God was for me as well. To show me, in fact, that there is no other option than grace.

They asked me: was I a sinner? Well, of course I was—that was the correct answer.

“You can’t simply be born into Christian faith,” they said. I had to agree, although I felt that I hadn’t had much choice about whether to be a Christian or not.

“Well, it is time to decide,” they said! “And the thing to know is this: that your sin is greater than you think; but that God forgives you, by the cross of Jesus Christ.

“Yes, he forgives you: not because you are impressive and likeable and a morally decent fellow, or because you are a member of a holy family, but because of his great love for you.”

This to me was a life-changing realisation. You could build a life on that knowledge. All the uncertainties of knowing who I was were completely swept away—not because I had found an identity, but because God had called me his son, in Jesus. And since he was the one who was doing it, I couldn’t lose it. It was an amazing moment of security and assurance. It told me who I was and who I am.

It is still what gets me out of bed in the morning, 25 years later.

Michael Jensen pastors St Mark's Church, Darling Point in Sydney Australia. This is an edited extract from his newly released book in our Questions Christians Ask series entitled: Is forgiveness really free? And other questions about grace, the law and being saved.