My 93-year-old grandma is a wonderful woman. She’s been a Christian since she was a little girl, and still sings hymns in bed as she goes to sleep each night. One of her favourite hymns is an old one called “Count Your Blessings”, which I have come to love too. One part of it goes:
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.
My grandma is single, though she hasn’t always been. She was married for 29 years, and has been a widow for the last 44. She was, of course, devastated when her husband died, and in great pain as she grieved for him. She missed him terribly. But she was joyful and satisfied even as she grieved, because she had not ultimately been finding her identity, security and hope in her husband. She had found those in her Lord, and he was with her, even in her great loss; and he continues to be with her day by day.
My grandmother would say that being married was good, but that being single is good too, because in both circumstances she has her Lord; and because, as she puts it: “The Lord knows, and he doesn’t make mistakes”.
Grandma would never have chosen for her husband to die. But she can look back and see how God has used it for good, because she knows “good” is whatever makes her more like Jesus and enables her to serve Jesus.
What might have been
It didn’t have to be like that, though. If she had focused on herself and her loss, if she had dwelt upon how her plans for her life had been taken away, she would have become bitter and twisted, angry with God and envious of those who still had their husbands. She would have spent 44 years hardening her heart and not enjoying Jesus’ love or the life he’s given her.
But she looked to the Lord, remembered that he loved her, trusted him when it was toughest, and knew that he was in loving charge of every circumstance. And now she radiates Christ-likeness; she is kind and compassionate, and she has a wonderful ability to empathise with and get alongside and say the right thing to people who are struggling or in pain. How did she become like that? I am sure one of the most significant ways was through losing her husband so young. Something no one would choose to have happen, something that wasn’t of itself good… but that God used for good. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8 v 28).
Count your blessings
Grandma is a woman who has learned to count her blessings, and who has taught me to do the same. On my list of blessings today is:
They are all signs of God’s goodness and grace to me today. But even on rainy days when I have a headache, and no cake… and no husband… I can still write down my blessings, hard though that may be. Because whatever I do or don’t have, I can always write:
Jesus loves me, and died for me, and is working for my good today.
Jesus loves me, and died for me, and is working for my good today.
And, as I look at that truth, and I ask him to work in my heart through his Spirit, I can even find myself writing down under my list of blessings:
As God changes our hearts and gives us a right perspective, we can thank God for unlooked-for blessings as well, for unrequested gifts we would never have chosen—including bad weather, ill health, lack of sweet food… and singleness.
Why not prayerfully count all your blessings now?
Read more in The Heart of Singleness: How to be Single and Satisfied by Andrea Trevenna. Join the conversation and comment below. You can also like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube Channel.
Andrea Trevenna works at St Nicholas Church, Sevenoaks, as Associate Minister for Women. She is also a popular conference speaker.
