I've got a friend who struggles with ... guilt
Helen Thorne | 22 Jan 2014
Each Wednesday afternoon over the next few months we are going to be looking at how to answer some of the common questions we might get asked after the service on a Sunday. Today, our first post:
I’ve got a friend who struggles with… guilt
“It’s all my fault”
“I know it happened years ago but it preys on my mind every day”
“I don’t believe God will forgive me … I know I can’t forgive myself”
They’re the kind of phrases I hear each week. Each Sunday we praise God for his extraordinary gift of forgiveness but that doesn’t seem to help on Mondays. The guilt of sins past and present weigh heavy on many people’s hearts.
So, what can we say to our brothers and sisters in Christ who come to us struggling with the burden of guilt? Here are our top tips:
- Thank you.
Few people find it easy to admit to weakness so it’s important to show how much we value their willingness to speak and how encouraged we are that they want help to bring a struggle in their life to Jesus.
- You’re not alone.
While we don’t want to hijack our friend’s struggles by talking about our own, it can be hugely encouraging to let people know that they are not the only ones who are in a mess. Sin happens in this fallen world – it happens a lot – and with it, comes guilt. But there is always hope…
- What is fuelling this sense of guilt?
It’s useful to ask people to share a little of what has happened to bring on the guilt. Sometimes people feel guilty about being sinned against (this is common in survivors of childhood abuse) and to these people it can be liberating to say, “the abuse was not your fault”. Others feel guilty because they are guilty – to them we can humbly agree that what they did was wrong but point them to the fact that guilt is designed to be a temporary state whose discomfort points us to the solution of the cross, it’s not a place where God wants us to dwell long term.
- Have you confessed your sin – to God and those you have hurt?
It’s amazing how easy it is to become inert. We can encourage our brothers and sisters to ‘fess up and, in doing so, move on. The most important thing is to say sorry to God because he is the source of forgiveness but it may well be important to approach the wounded party too, be that a family member, friend or work colleague. In more extreme situations, this could involve going to the police.
- What difference does the cross of Christ make?
Whether someone is thinking about Christianity, has been a Christian for a few weeks or for a few decades, the key to forgiveness is understanding and accepting Jesus’ work on the cross. We can’t talk about the cross too often or too enthusiastically. Jesus’ sacrifice is sufficient to cover every sin. Just look at his first followers – swindlers, murderers, sexually immoral … not a bunch of people who had nothing to feel guilty about but people who knew the power of everlasting forgiveness.
- Why is it hard to accept that Jesus’ forgiveness is real?
Many of us can trundle out sound doctrine but live day to day as if Jesus’ work means nothing. It’s good to explore what is making it hard to accept God’s forgiveness. Maybe it’s because they think God isn’t powerful enough or loving enough … Maybe they think they are somehow special and exempt from the effects of redemption. Maybe they still believe they have to earn forgiveness (under law) rather than accept it as a gift (under grace).
- Let’s look at these Bible verses.
Any kind of response needs to be biblical and there is no better way of being biblical than opening up the Scripture. You can make your own list of verses but simple places to start include: Psalm 51 and 1Peter 3:18. Let the story of grace flow.
- What would it look like to live in the light of these verses?
One reason why people can stagnate in a place of guilt is that they simply can’t imagine what it would be like to be free. We can help our friends by talking through an average day and showing them how a right understanding of grace would change things.
- How can I help you remember and apply those verses this week?
People tend to change slowly but practical strategies are great for keeping the process of change at the forefront of people’s minds. Can we text a relevant Bible verse to our friend? Can we encourage them to use a relevant Bible verse as their Facebook status (and in the process encourage others too)? Can we call them occasionally to ask, “how have you been applying God’s word to your struggles today?” Can we recommend a good book or online sermon?
- Can we pray together now?
Let’s pray with them there and then. And let’s pray specifically – maybe in line with Ephesians 3:14-21.
Book recommendations:
