“How’s your walk with the Lord?”
That was the catchphrase of an old Bible study leader of mine.
I can still imagine the scene. There would be half a dozen of us crowded into tiny living room on a Thursday night. The words above were usually spoken after the study was finished, when we were sharing prayer requests.
A particular member of the group was one of those extraordinarily compassionate people who attracts hurting people like a magnet—they seemed to sense that they were safe with her. And she’d bring their struggles to us for prayer: friends who were battling mental health issues, relatives who were ill, flatmates who were under work pressure. The needs weighed heavy on her, too, because she loved the people underneath them.
Our Bible study leader would listen carefully and nod along with genuine sympathy. But nobody was ever let off the hook. Without fail, she’d follow up with this question: “But what about you? How’s your walk with the Lord?”
It's often easier to look at the needs of others than to turn inwards and consider the needs of my own heart.
This was a wise lady. The point was this: we neglect to pray for our hearts at our peril.
Years later and it seems that many of us (myself included) are slow to ask for prayer for ourselves. By this I don’t mean prayer for our circumstances (that’s easy enough), but for what’s really going on inside: for our hearts.
This isn’t just phenomenon in our “public” prayers either; I reckon that most of us struggle to pray for ourselves in private too.
We might spend time praying for others as part of our “quiet time”—working down a list, going through a prayer diary, swiping on an app. These are all great things to do.
But in the words of my old Bible study leader, what about you? When did you last spend time—significant, deliberate time—praying about your own character?
Most of us find this aspect of prayer hard. Why? Here are just two suggestions—there are probably many more.
Perhaps some of us are like my old friend from the Bible study—we feel genuinely burdened by the needs of others. With so many people with so many problems, is it selfish to spend time praying for ourselves? Is praying for yourself just self-absorbed?
Not necessarily. To be sure, it’s good to pray for others—the apostle Paul’s letters are filled with heartfelt prayers for other Christians. But there’s a sense in which if we want to be of any help to others, we need God to help us first. Maybe a lack of prayer for ourselves reveals a misplaced self-reliance.
John Piper describes his habit of praying in “concentric circles” like this:
“The most needy person I know is John Piper. So I pray for John Piper’s soul because if I lose the faith, I can’t pray for anybody. Then I widen my circle to my family. Then I widen the circle to staff and elders at church.”
When I ask my current Bible study leader what I can pray for him (usually because he’s shown the initiative to ask me first…) he usually gives this response: “godliness”. His point is that if he’s growing in godliness, and responding to life’s circumstances and the people around him with increasing godliness, everything else will fall into place.
And he’s right. In fact, Paul sums up what God wants for us in this simple statement: “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified” (1 Thessalonians 4 v 3). The more sanctified we are, the more use we will be to others.
And as with all things, if we want God to do something, we should ask him to do it. Sometimes praying for yourself is the least selfish thing you can do.
If I’m honest, it’s easier to look at the needs of others than to turn inwards and consider the needs of my own heart. Self-examination is uncomfortable, because the self that I’m examining is sinful. Or at least, I know that it is, but I’m not always sure exactly how. I know that I need to grow, but I’m not always sure exactly where.
That means that it often feels easier to pray for other people’s material needs than for my own spiritual needs. The former is concrete; the latter is vague.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. One thing that I appreciated about having the opportunity to write Five Things to Pray for Your Heart is that it gave me a chance to think hard about what a healthy heart looks like. The first part of the book has prayers working though the fruit of the Spirit. Writing it meant that I had to seriously consider what the elements of this fruit look like, both in Scripture and in lives today—in practical, concrete ways. As I did so, I found myself really longing to grow in it. It’s my hope that you’ll experience something similar as you use the book.
Prayers for yourself don’t have to be vague or selfish. Instead they can be a tool for your sanctification. And that’s something which glorifies God, and blesses everyone around you.
Five Things to Pray for Your Heart by Rachel Jones is available to buy now.
Rachel Jones is the author of A Brief Theology of Periods (Yes, really), Is This It?, and several books in the award-winning Five Things to Pray series, and serves as Vice President (Editorial) at The Good Book Company. She helps teach kids and serves on the mission core team at her church, King's Church Chessington, in Surrey, UK.
