My son has just turned two. His vocabulary now stretches to: “Thank you Daddy for… [insert cars/blueberries/lion]”. So I’m confident that, come Sunday, to mark Father’s Day he will thank me for… well, cars, his sister, blueberries, and his teddy lion.
To be honest, I’m hoping that in twenty years, he’s not thanking me primarily for those things when he takes me out for lunch on Father’s Day (note, son: lunch, not just a card). On Mother's Day, I blogged on what I hoped he would thank his mother for in 20 years. But for Father's Day, I'm thinking: apart from his cars, blueberries and lion, what else should I be hoping he doesn’t most thank me for when he’s 22?
1. Thank you for helping me to believe in myself and back myself.
Of course, I want him to be confident and have a go at new things. But I don’t want him to believe first and foremost in himself. I want him to believe in Jesus Christ — to find his confidence in knowing he’s loved by his Creator, and to have a go at things because he knows his success or failure does not affect his standing before Christ. I don't want him to back his own abilities; I want him to back Christ's ability to work in and through him.
2. Thank you for being the first person I turn to for advice.
I hope that I am able to give him the benefit of the perspective of a lot of extra years and a bit of extra wisdom. And of course it will make me feel warm inside each time he rings and says: “Dad, what do you think I should do about…” But I need to point away from myself. I need to encourage him to seek counsel from, and speak to, his heavenly Father before he speaks to his earthly father. I need to hope that there will be many times when he doesn’t speak to me about a situation at all, because the Scriptures have made clear to him what he should do, and so he’s doing it.
3. Thank you for my education.
Is there a more-excused, less-acknowledged idol among middle-class Christians than our children’s education? I must beware the thought, and must beware even more communicating the thought to my children, that if they go to a good school, get good grades, get a degree from a good university, and get a decent job, they will be happy. I must fight giving them the idea that education matters more than godliness. I must protect my son’s day of rest and encourage him to keep exams in perspective more than I must push him to achieve academically.
4. Thank you for putting us kids first.
The happiest families I’ve seen — the parents I want to emulate — are those where the kids don’t come first. They come third. First comes Christ, and so the children see that his commands and his approval matter more than anything. Second comes marriage, and so the children grow up knowing the security of a loving home. Third comes them. Fourth comes self. I will truly put my kids first if I put them third.
5. Thank you for protecting me from the world.
This is a tricky one. Right now, I protect my two-year-old from virtually all the world’s realities: he knows nothing of death, divorce, violence, immorality, drunkenness, and so on. But it’s not my job to protect him for ever. Over the next two decades, I need to equip him to live in a wonderful, broken world, noticing and celebrating the good, noticing and resisting the bad, and knowing how to live a distinctive life amongst the sinful. I want him to live a godly life in the world, not shut himself away from the world with the godly.
6. Thank you for helping me make the most of my gifts.
I hope he says every word of that except "my". We're brought up to believe that the things we're good at are OUR talents, to be used how we want, when we want, for our own enjoyment. That's certainly my natural view of my own abilities. But I hope my son grows up knowing what he's good at, and knowing who made him good at them, and knowing why he's good at them—that they are gifts from Christ, to be used for his people, to help and encourage them. I hope he says: Thank you for helping me to make the most of the gifts Christ has given me, by helping me identify them, praise Jesus for them, and use them for my church more than I use them for myself.
7. Thank you for encouraging me to be like you.
I want him to share my faith. I want him to know my Father. But I pray that my son will be more godly, more wise, more passionate for Christ, more uncompromising in his sin, more committed to his kingdom, more sacrificial in his service, than me. If Christian fathers prayed this Father’s Day that their sons grew to be greater Christian men than them… and if those prayers were answered… wouldn’t the next generation of the church be something wonderful to behold?
Carl is Editorial Director at The Good Book Company and is a member of Grace Church Worcester Park, London. He is the best-selling author of The Garden, the Curtain and the Cross and God's Big Promises Bible Storybook, and also serves as series editor of the God's Word for You series. Before joining TGBC, he worked as a journalist and then as a teacher, and pastored a congregation in Hull. Carl is married to Lizzie, and they have two children. He studied history at Oxford University.