My suitcase

I was three years old when I first ran away from home. There was no trauma, no tears, I simply took out my miniature suitcase and packed it with what mattered most to me: big ted and little ted (I was not creative when it came to naming toys). Resolute in my pursuit of freedom, I went for the front door, opened it and walked down the street as fast as my little legs could carry me. I was on a bid for freedom ... It was going to be great!

It wasn't long before my distraught mother caught up with me. There were many questions in her mind but none more pressing than this: why are you running away?

My answer was simple: I'm grown up now. I want to go and live with my teddies.

I was barely capable of doing up the buckles on my t-bar sandals but I  was confident that my bears and I could make it in the world without any parental guidance. Of course, I was wrong.

The folly of childhood!

Trouble is, forty-odd years later, things aren't so different...

Oh, I'm not still living in my parental home. And if I did leave my current abode, it wouldn't be teddies in my bag. But my instincts - my drives for independence -  are there, especially when it comes to my heavenly parent, my precious Father.

Almost every day I grab that which means most to me, clutch it tightly, and kid myself I can wander away from God's will and be ok.

I clutch my reputation and wander away from humility. I grab my bank balance and pretend there is no need to pray for my daily bread. I hold on tightly to my ego and kid myself I don't need to forgive. I treasure my intellectual abilities and in the process shun wisdom. I gather human relationships, texting and tweeting as I go, but fail to sink to my knees in prayer or encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ. And with every step my heart becomes harder.

It's not that I dislike my Father's will - being wise, humble and prayerful is great - it's just that I prefer my independence. I find my work, security and human relationships so much easier to pursue than the call to pick up my cross each day.

The reality is, however, those things - good though they can be - are as worthless as a pair of teddies squished into a suitcase of a toddler when compared to the glories of God. And each time I allow them to encourage me away from the path of obedience, I put myself in danger. Life where God comes second is a scary place ... I need the Lord far more than any career, any twitter feed, any human sense of security.

When my mother finally persuaded me to come home, she told me to go up to my room and take out the teddies from my suitcase. I placed them back on their chair and settled back in to living closely with my parents. It wasn't a hard thing to to, it was my home after all. I was better off there. My parents could provide and protect in ways that soft toys never could. I see that now.

Sadly, seeing things clearly in my adult life doesn't come quite so easily. But with God's help, as I engage with his word, my view of life can improve. I can begin to see just how many times I try to wander off and how dangerous that is.  And I can see my call to ditch my "idols" and live ever more closely to my call to be his royal child. I can see I need to act and address not just my actions but my wayward heart as well.

Thinking about it ... Maybe today would be a good day to look in my suitcase again. It might be time to take out my over-love of work, relationships and security and to relax once more in my loving Father's arms in repentance and faith. After all, it is there that life is to be found - life in all its fullness (John 10:10)

Maybe it would be a good day for you to do that too…